I am sometimes asked if a condolence letter is necessary, or even suitable, in a business relationship.  It’s an easy answer. Yes. Reaching out to console a colleague in pain can never be inappropriate.

TIPS TO WRITE A CONDOLENCE LETTER

DO:

1. Send a written note or email message. (A written note is better, but if you only have a colleague’s email address, do reach out by email.)
2. Don’t worry if your words are not eloquent. It’s nearly impossible to find wording that fully expresses deep ache. Your recipient will be comforted by your sincerity, so express what you feel.
3. Acknowledge your recipient’s loss.
4. Express your care, concern, empathy, or friendship.
5. Close with an expression of sympathy.

DO NOT:

• It is best to avoid any specific religious sentiments, unless you are sure your recipient shares your beliefs. “You are in my prayers” is suitable because it is generic, and expresses spiritual support. “Carolyn is now home with Jesus,” for example, would not comfort someone with agnostic beliefs. Focus on your recipient when expressing any religious reference.

• Tell the recipient how to grieve or minimize the loss. After my mother died, a friend sent me a note recommending that I not focus on it too much, as it was better to stay busy. She reminded me it was a loss most everyone faced. That was not helpful.

In upcoming posts, I will share examples of condolence letters to a business colleague for:

Condolence Letter for Loss of a Spouse

Condolence Letter for Loss of a Child

Condolence Letter for Catastrophic Loss of Property

Condolence Letter to Colleague for Lost Job

If you have a friend or colleague who is experiencing grief, I hope these tips will help you find the words to comfort them.

What to write when a colleague has lost a job?

When you work for the same company, and are still employed, and willing to recommend your colleague:

Dear Sandra:

I was so sad to see your office empty when I returned from my trip.

I know you were hoping to avoid the impending layoffs, so this must be challenging for you. I will so miss your wise insights, energy, and creativity. The office will be far quieter, and less interesting, without you here.

If I can help with a letter of recommendation, referrals, or to just to lend an ear, please know I  want to help. Best wishes finding a new position. With your can-do attitude and skills, I have no doubt your job search will be short.

Please let me know how I can help.

Best regards,

Dimitri

To a colleague from another company, with whom you had regular, but superficial contact:

Dear Javier:

I was so sorry to receive your email message that you are no longer with Federated Company. I will miss our monthly status reports.

Thank you for letting me know your current contact information so we can keep in touch. Best wishes finding a position that matches all your talents. No doubt, there is a lucky company about to hire a very skilled project manager.

Best regards,

Doreen

If a colleague leaves under conflict or duress:

Hi Carmen,

David told me this morning you are leaving Federated.

I know the past months have been challenging for you, and I’ve admired your grace and professionalism.

I wish you well. I hope your search is a short as possible.

Sincerely,

Dora

Some tips:

• Don’t mention the poor economy. The news is full of this, so you would only be underscoring an obvious worry.
• Two recently unemployed friends told me they were very annoyed when people told them, “I’m sure something will appear.” Be truthful. A new job doesn’t just appear. It’s a lot of work, and transition, to find new work. Don’t minimize their loss.
• Do offer to make connections or write a letter of recommendation, if you are willing.
• Do wish your colleague well.

Remember:

• Job security is tenuous for everyone. Each of us can lose a job, so it’s a smart career move, as well as kind, to reach out when a colleague loses a job. Sadly, each of us can find ourselves in the same position. Stay connected.
• Don’t forget to thank those people who helped you find a new job, once you are hired.

Here is a classic P.G. Wodehouse quote that so illustrates this misplaced focus of posturing to forge relationships:

“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”

In business writing, this is not true!

We often feel that an apology means we are taking responsibility for situations not caused by us. No! A good apology means we care. It shows we are responsible. It proves we value people and can be trusted.

Here are examples of an apology where  you did not err:

I just learned from Tom that the rescheduling of our annual meeting affected your vacation plans.  We have four new products launching next year, and these will be presented at the meeting. I’m sure the scheduling was a disappointment for you, but I know the information will be very useful for you, and we need your expertise in the field next year.

I am sorry the reconstruction requires your department to share printing and copying resources for the next two months. It will cause delays for you during construction, so please accommodate this in your planning. Once the construction is complete, we’ll have 40% capacity increase, so the inconvenience is well worth it.

Here is an example of an apology where there is a need to admit liability:

Dear Suki:
I am sorry I missed your meeting this morning. I know I was scheduled to provide the staffing costs of your proposal, and I’m sorry I let you down.

As I mentioned when I called, my babysitter was ill and could not work, and my husband is out of town. I had to wait until my sister could arrive to babysit before I could leave for work.

I have emailed my staffing cost analysis to everyone in the meeting, and explained my absence and how this data supports your proposal. If there is anything else I can do to make up for my absence at your proposal, please let me know.

Please accept my apology.

Tamara

We all want to avoid unpleasant situations, but sending a note indicates you take the liability seriously, and are truly sorry. It conveys a sincerity that a simple phone call does not.

When you overstep, and say things you regret:

Dear Ashok:
I am sorry I overreacted yesterday to the news of my project team’s restructuring. I apologize for making inappropriate assumptions about your decision.

I realize since we talked that I depend on Caroline’s participation, and don’t want to lose her enthusiasm and expertise on my team. You are correct that she is ready for larger company projects.

I regret my comments, and you have my promise to fully support the team restructure. Please accept my apology.

Sincerely,

Kara

I’ve heard executives say they never want to document any errors in writing, but I disagree. Instead, this documents Kara’s realization and apology, in addition to enhancing her business relationship with Ashok.

Some Guidelines:

• Overtly state you are sorry.  “I apologize.” “I’m sorry.” “I regret.”

• Ask the reader to accept your apology.

• Summarize what happened, to reflect your understanding.

• Offer remedies, if this is needed.

• Address only the apology in your note. Keep it to this one subject.

• Don’t infer your reader was also to blame. Not: “I only wish you had been more clear my attendance was needed.” Address only your own actions.

• Don’t blame anyone else. Not: “My team leader was unclear with his instructions, so I thought I was to present next week, not this week.”

• Don’t globalize the issue. Apologize for this situation, at this time. Not: “I’m sorry I was late, but you rarely start meetings on time. I thought I would arrive before the meeting started.”

• Most importantly, don’t use the common “sorry, but” formula. It’s insincere and makes you look angry. Not: “I’m sorry I overreacted, but you were not clear about your instructions.”

In many training sessions, I hear from clients they worry an apology intimates they are weak or error-prone. Don’t fall into this insincere power-broking writing formula. Good business communication fosters connection and relationships, not a false power dance.

Words are powerful, and a thoughtful, honest, un-obsequious apology respects both you and the recipient. It will always enhance your career.

Learn More in This Course: Effective Business Writing Techniques

Certainly, the only way to “control” social networks is to consistently engage in them with openness, transparency, clarity and responsiveness.

If we follow this approach, we are protected by our authenticity. But, communication occurs at an intersection between writer and reader (or speaker and listener). To navigate social media we need to approach this intersection with our consistently truthful persona and values, but we also must honor the audience who faces us at this intersection.

Read the full article here.

The summary: Andrews was en route to FedEx to coach a group of FedEx communications employees to use social media effectively. Upon landing in Memphis, Andrews posted this message on Twitter:

“True confession but I’m in one of those towns where I scratch my head and say, ‘I would die if I had to live here.’”

By the time he arrived at FedEx to train this group, many of the FedEx employees, who follow him on Twitter, already knew of his comments, and were resenting both his slam of their hometown and the fee he was charging to train them to use social media effectively, particularly when he had just blundered in this media himself.

You will find a very thoughtful discussion of this issue on David Henderson’s blog post, “How Not to be a Key Online Influencer,” in which David explores the actions, reactions and responses of the players involved. It’s an absolutely fascinating look at communication management in this highly networked environment.

As I thought about all this, it occurred to me that we have entered a wild-west world of communication, where everything we share in these networks can go viral quickly, causing irreparable career damage. And – I bet you are surprised here – this gives me great hope for an improvement in communication and social discourse.

The only real way to “control” these networks is to engage in them with civility and professionalism. Don’t toss off the snarky one-liner. Don’t post the photo that could be misinterpreted. Consider your audience – with all its possible echoes – and intersect into the conversations professionally and with kindness.

Of course, we all err, and will likely communicate something incorrectly or inappropriately at some point. If so, stay engaged in the social media conversations and apologize sincerely. The key is to stay engaged, be honest and take responsibility. James Andrews inflamed his communication crises when he disengaged from the conversation, after insulting Memphis and by default, FedEx, by issuing a press release and apologizing on his blog, instead of engaging in the conversations on Twitter that were heated and engaged about this. It’s only respectful to this interactive audience where you started the conversation not to duck out and retreat to one-sided proclamations when you don’t like the conversation. Besides, they’re going to keep on talking whether you participate or not, so engage.

Professionalism and civility are your best weapons in the highly transparent world of social media that is about openness, relationships and trust. And, to me, that will only elevate the conversations.

Thx for the IView! I Wud ♥ to Work 4 U!! .

After a job interview:

1) Write a traditionally formatted thank you note. Make sure your grammar is correct and do not use slang or text-speak.

2) Send your thank you note via email promptly, but not so fast it appears as a throwaway text message comment. Be sure to identify why you are well suited for this position and how you will help the company.

3) Do not “friend” your interviewer on Facebook after the interview. You were interviewed for a job, not friendship. This would be much too forward, especially for interviewers over age 30.

Here are annotated examples of actual interview thank you notes that lost and won a position.

Read more tips on writing a thank you note from Leslie Harpold’s wonderful 6-step process, modified for business writers.

Mary
Instructional Solutions

“Thanksgiving is, after all, a word of action.”
~W.J. Cameron

At Thanksgiving more than ever, our thoughts turn gratefully to those who have made our progress possible, both here in the United States, and abroad.

And in this spirit we say, simply but sincerely,

Thank You and Best Wishes
for a Happy Thanksgiving
from everyone at
Instructional Solutions.

Two readers questioned why using “Good Evening” was not best practice for an email salutation, as I illustrated in my last post “The Art of the Apology.”

We always want to engage our reader, and shape any document, including email, from our reader’s perspective, not our perspective. With email, when the recipient is likely to read the email is more relevant than when we send it.

For example, if you work in London and send an email off at 9pm to a colleague or customer in Los Angeles, the recipient would receive it 1pm Los Angeles time. If the first words your recipient reads are “Good Evening” while he or she sees the sun shining and is midway through the work day, it fosters reader disconnect. If you do not know when your reader is going to read your email message, choose a time-neutral salutation: Hello, Hi, Dear – choosing whichever best matches the relationship and purpose of your email.

Using the salutation “Good Morning” can be particularly warm and engaging, if you are certain your reader will receive your message in the morning. For example, you have a phone conversation with your reader in the morning (reader time zone), and promise to email a document right after you conclude the call. In this case, “Good Morning” is a great salutation because it enhances the connection because it is immediate and warm and reader-focused.

This same thought process should apply to description of your activities. My friend, based in Seattle, recently shared that she was momentarily concerned when her colleague, based in Glasgow, sent a message to her that began “I’m savoring a single malt and reading your proposal…” It was 6pm in Glasgow, so a single malt was well deserved and in order, but it was a little jarring at first read for my friend in Seattle, who was sipping morning coffee at 10am. Of course, any reader will understand with brief reflection, but we don’t want to require reflection or questioning; we want to engage our readers right away. Reader-focused writing requires that we keep content, organization and tone on our reader, not on our own thoughts.

Use “Good Morning” and “Good Evening” with care – they are engaging when you know your reader will read them at the right time, but wedge an intimation of lack of awareness for your reader if you miss the time mark.

Learn More in This Course: Email Essentials: Productivity and Impact

Dear readers: be absolutely certain never to fail to stop at a railroad track in this town! The apology she received – a small correction buried in a later edition – was woefully inadequate.

Recently, my husband, son and I stayed at a hotel (and I will restrain myself from naming this hotel) where we had a confirmed reservation for a full-sized bed for me and my husband, and a pullout couch for our son. When getting ready for bed, we took the cushions off the couch and discovered it was not a pullout. The hotel’s remedy was to send in sheets for the very short couch. Since my husband and son are both well over 6 feet tall, and I’m short, guess who slept on the tiny couch?

When I wrote to the hotel’s general manager, and complained our reservation wasn’t honored, I received this response:

Good Evening Ms Cullen (No punctuation, and I received his message in the morning, not when he wrote it in the evening, creating disjoint.)

We were very booked that night and didn’t have any rooms with a pullout couch. I know you had a reservation but we didn’t have any. (So, you were busy and couldn’t do what you committed to do. This does not make me feel better.)

I really appreciate your taking the time to share your feedback with your recent stay.   We value you as a guest, and I do want you to know that your concerns are our concerns!  Please stay with us again soon so that we can demonstrate our commitment to your comfort. (Obvious copy/pasted boilerplate)

How to Apologize When You Have Erred.
Every business and business person falls short on occasion, and the best course of action is always to name the error, accept responsibility, apologize, and ideally, offer remuneration if it is warranted.

Looking at the “apology” letter I received, the writer clearly wrote the first paragraph and used a template for the remainder. This template didn’t reflect the situation, so it added further insult.

To write a customer letter of apology, the tone must be authentic, and you must be honest and own up to the error:

1. Lead with an apology. It puts the reader at ease, letting him or her know up front that the letter is not going to be a stonewalling exercise.

2. Keep it simple and brief. Apologize for exactly what happened to your client. The tone and fervor of your apology should match the offense and empathize with your reader. In the case of the hotel, a single sentence, “Certainly, you must have been uncomfortable that night, and I am sorry for your experience,” would disarm even the most irate customer.

3. Explain corrective actions that will prevent repetition of the problem, offer compensation (when applicable), and apologize again. Briefly.

Do not be defensive or argumentative or dismissive when composing a letter of apology. If that tone seeps into your letter, you will succeed only in further inflaming your customer. Far better to write your apology in this frame of mind: An error occurred which we acknowledge, we are very sorry it happened to you, we value you and your business, and we want to correct the problem as best we can.